Out Of Sorts

I am feeling out of sorts today.  I can't seem to get it together.  I know that I am not the only one that goes through this at times.  I feel like I am never listened to and that I am not really cared about.   It started with me feeling ignored and when I tried to talk about it I couldn't seem to put it into the right words so everything came out jumbled which upset him.  I know he wasn't actually trying to ignore me but I was PMSing and I know that is part of the problem.  I just feel like we are barely taking anymore and so basically I am just feeling out of sorts.  When I begin to feel this way, I start to draw back and go into my shell because it feels safer there.  In there it's harder to get hurt.  I have more control over who can get close enough to hurt me.  I know that when I do this then it causes more distance in the relationship so I am trying hard not to do this.

 

My husband is a good man, a great father and I know that he loves me.  I just wish I could figure out why this happens.  It makes me feel like I am broken unable to function normally.  I feel like either there is something wrong with me for feeling this way when it's not true or that it is true and that I am so broken that I can't be fixed.  Then I remind myself to take a step back and remember that no matter what I am a daughter of The KING loved beyond comprehension and that what I am really hearing is just tapes in my head that sometimes I hit the play button on and sometimes the devil does but that's all they are just tapes.  Just lies and falsehoods trying to assert themselves to trying me up to cause me to stumble and begin to doubt who I am in Christ and who He has made me to be.  So today I choose not only to hit the stop button on those tapes but the delete button also.  I will no longer listen to those things that have been said to me in the past.  I am not broken but with God's grace and mercy I am healed and whole.  I am not unlovable but loved beyond my understanding and because God is not here in the physical to love on me he has given me a husband, children and friends who do love me.  I am not worthless but am a prize a precious Gem, the apple of his eye.  And how do I know this because  Deuteronomy 32:10 says he kept him as the apple of His eye and Zech. 2:8 says for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of My eye.

Lord today please, keep me as the apple of your eye and hide me under the shadow of your wings Psalm 17:8