I know that title sounds funny but that's really what I wanted to talk about for a minute. Last night I was laying in bed talking to JD. We were having one of the discussions that can come after a rough period in life. You know the type where you just talking about all that you faced and all that you came through. For us it had started almost 2 years before when things just got crazy and wild and went went from outside problems to what I refer to as inside problems. We allowed what was happening in the "outside" world (anything outside our marriage) to affect our "inside" world (Our marriage). There were times over the last few months when we both doubted if we would do this I think it was just our belief in a covenant marriage, some folks who wouldn't allow us to walk away and God's amazing never-ending unfailing GRACE that have helped us to where we are today (in love).
During our conversation last night I started to tear up and realized that I was scared. Things are going great. I love my family, my job, my church. I was just waiting for the next crisis. I realized that since childhood I have never had a long period of time where there is just calm and peace in my life and now that it is happening I didn't know what to think or how to handle it. I had been so convinced that I did not deserve happiness that I had bought into that and at times even sacrificed my happiness and self-fulfilled the prophecy.
As that all rushed in on me last night, I just paused and praise Jesus for this revelation! I am a daughter of the King a princess in His court, my adoption into Gods family means that I do get to be happy and not just when things are going well but when things are rough too. I don't have to live in fear of the next bad thing that is going to happen but to trust in God and allow him to lead my steps. I can have peace and joy no matter what. I am no longer afraid to be happy!
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